A conversation I had with my roommate yesterday has been dwelling on my mind, and I figured I'd blog it out. This one's probably not going to be that funny, but just bear with me.
We started talking about how "unspiritual" I am, how unenthusiastic I can be about the affairs of my church. The fact of the matter is, although I have a decent singing voice I choose not to be a part of the adult choir. Although I am an adult of sound mind and body, I am not a church voter. Although I am a young man, I am not in the church youth group. And on top of all that, I am forced by my work schedule to miss church a great deal of the time, averaging once or twice a month. Basically, I am a below average member of my church.
Why is that? Why do I choose not to take part in affairs of the church? I've got the Holy Spirit, same as the rest of the Holy Christian Church on earth. My faith has a firm foundation built upon the work Christ did on the cross to save me from damnation. That faith cannot be taken from me. I enjoy a rich prayer life, taking advantage multiple times daily of the gift of communication with my Lord. Why, then, do I not share my talents with church functions?
The fact of the matter is, I don't know. I do have a good idea, involving my laziness, but there's gotta be something else to it. I don't feel like I'm pulling my weight, doing all that I can on earth out of the love God put in my heart. But there's something keeping me from changing that. My sinful inner man feels that love for God isn't enough to take time away from my selfish lifestyle, and it's making the rest of me deeply ashamed. I pray that in time God grants me the strength to aid in the stewardship of His church.
As if this blog isn't rambling enough, it opens up other spiritual issues I have. My aimlessness in life, the total ignorance I have of God's divine Plan for me. My loneliness in life, the desire to be loved by a Christian woman NOT related to me. My impatience with others, the paradox that although I have a burning love for Christ I can't stand most of His people. I've been dwelling for a long time on my gross shortcomings as a child of God. How wonderful it is that a truly terrible, filthy being such as myself would be loved by God so much that He made His Son die to make me clean in His eyes. Praise the Lord!
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2 comments:
This just isn't funny
dude, everybody feels like that at least some of the time, so don't think you're alone by any means. i find myself very often praying for the strength to overcome my petty old adam. daily contrition and repentance, my friend. it is absolutely essential. i'm glad to hear you're interested in changing aspects of your life that you're not pleased with. that's growth my friend. i feel more like a child than an adult most times.
seek ye first the kingdom of God and all of these things will be added unto you. seek him. everything else is a pleasant bonus.
p.s. your room mate sounds like a real turd.
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