Full-Body Beard

CLASSIC LIBBY #1: Fotokiosk

2009-07-19T00:15:00.003-05:00

(like i do twice a year, i've decided to reboot the ol' blog. But right now i'm too lazy to come up with new material...so without any further ado, please enjoy a post from my old Myspace blog, this one from October 2006.)

Guten Hausfraukartoffeln ins Kino, mein gewurstbraten. Komm Heraus, nun...

For those of you playing at home, I'm pretty sure I just said "Good housewife-potatoes in the movie theater, my birth-sausage..." in German. Yeah, don't read too much into that one. On with the blog...

As most of my blogs these days begin, I was working the 'Greens this morning in the photo department, when this old dude with a cane saunters near my counter. At first, I didn't pay him much mind, seeing as how there was no possible way this guy didn't have like twenty prescriptions to pick up, so I thought he could just settle all his business at the pharmacy. But then, he stopped right in front of the digital photo kiosk.

I have a confession to make. I always have a little crisis of conscience every time someone over 60 tries to use our kiosk. The older crowd (and there is no shortage of them at Walgreens) tends to get a little confused and disoriented whenever they encounter any technology in our store more complicated than, oh, say, a tin-can walkie-talkie. And since I am closest to the electronics, it's always me that has to explain what an MP3 player is, or why we don't carry typewriter parts anymore. And, depending on the person and the purchase, this can take anywhere from half a minute to half an HOUR. So, imagine my trepidation when an old folk takes his "Magic Picture Chip" and puts it in the most complicated piece of machinery he could EVER get himself tangled up in in-store. Basically, I'm left with the choice of quietly sneaking away or playing dead.

But this guy looked determined to use the kiosk, so I left him to his own devices for a little while, hanging around in case he had any questions. It took him five minutes poking around before he looked up at me and said "Excuse...Me...Sir?"

I went over to the kiosk and asked "How can I help you?" like a good little peon. I can't remember the exact phrasing of the sentence he said next, but I seem to recall it sounding something like this: "Was ist diesen hier meinen Pictures gemacht uber Heute Abent oder aber Nachtisch essen?"

It wasn't that bad, but it was pretty friggin German-ish. Now I really wished that I'd played dead because this is a 1-2 punch in the gut for me. An Old Dude AND a German? This guy's gonna take forever on hier, oops, here.

So, I did the only thing I could. I took ten minutes out of my day just to show this guy how to work the kiosk. I showed him everything. How to edit your pictures, remove red eye, order prints..."Just touch the picture right here...then touch the plus sign here" just like a patient mommy. I was getting pretty sick of this guy, so I just gave him the brushoff..."If you have any questions, I'll be here" and went back to my regularly scheduled photo business.

Then, a tiny miracle happened.

This old german dude really got into it, and I mean REALLY got into it. He was pretty much almost to the point of giggling every time he pushed a button on the screen. I went over to the kiosk again, and he smiled at me, then showed me what he had learned. "Touch it, und touch it" he'd say every time he selected a print to be made. "Touch it, und touch it." And I couldn't help but laugh a little too. After all, it was the first time I was filled with anything but HORROR when an old dude showed me how he "touches it."

I guess the moral of the story is, you KANN teach an old hund neue tricks.

And I wish an old German dude into all of YOUR lives...

What's Wrong With Me (Part Deux)

2008-12-03T16:41:00.002-06:00

...and we're back. Weren't those commercials something? Anyway, on to bachelor #3.

Libby.

Libby is the personality I am the LEAST proud of. Unfortunately, he's also the one that's in control most of the time. Libby has one goal: To accomplish as little as possible while still technically being alive. Libby would like nothing more than to watch DVDs and play video games while stuffing his face full of junk food...literally all day. In order to maximize his "downtime," he uses the talents of the other four to cut corners on the aspects of life he does not find convenient. This means sabotaging the goals of the other four individuals rattling around inside me. Libby is selfish, rude, filthy, and unpleasant. Unfortunately, you've all run into Libby at some time in our history together, and I apologize. Libby is the reason my life is going nowhere, the reason every girl I've ever been romantically interested in has kept me at at least an arm's length. I hate Libby...and this is the reason my self-confidence levels aren't exactly through the roof. The biggest aspect of my life is a person I despise. Anyway, on to the other guys.

Nathaniel

First of all, just so you know, my name is not actually Nathaniel (I needed a fifth name, so sue me.) Nathaniel is devoutly religious, by which I mean he's got a fiery passion for the gospel...a CRAVING for God's word. Unfortunately, this is the aspect of my personality that shines through the LEAST in my daily life. Nathaniel spends most of his time looking around him in wonder at God's magnificent creation, trying to pick up on His hand in every little thing that happens in life. He knows how to handle problems...just take it to God in prayer and forget about it. Nathaniel would love to be a minister...to get up to the pulpit every sunday and share his love for God with an audience. He'd love to go to his congregation members in need and use God's word to help them out. To tend to the spiritual needs of a flock of fellow sinners...that'd be the way Nathaniel would prefer to live out his days, and this is the reason I spent three years in college for pre-theological studies at Immanuel Lutheran College. However, the other four amigos have made this all but impossible for him. Nate's no good talking to strangers (what use is a minister who's anxious going over to a member's house?) Nathan has a serious problem with authority (a real handicap when dealing with the straight-laced authority figures of Immanuel,) Libby's constantly asking "what's in it for me?" and he doesn't like the answers, and Amber wants only what's best for his future wife, and the life of a pastor's wife is not a glamourous one.

And, we have our last contender: Amber.

Amber is nothing but a hopeless romantic. His one duty is to fall in love, and when he does, he falls HARD. The thing about Amber is, he's constantly evolving. Not only in the matter of which girl to pursue, (although there has been a large number over the years,) but in his approach. In middle school and high school, the strategy was: Show the girl you love how much you love her, and she's got to love you, right??? It took him an embarrassingly long time to realize the fact that that's not how it works. It has only been recently that Amber has started giving his love to the girl of choice unconditionally. If Amber loves someone, what that entails is simply this: He is thinking of her all the time, literally from the time he wakes up till the time he goes to sleep, and occasionally in dreams between then. He wants what is best for her, and he will try to protect her from any harm that may befall her. He will do ANYTHING for the girl, to the extent of going to colombia just to get her a cup of coffee...not out of a sense of obligation, not because he expects something in return...simply because he loves her. There is literally no expectation, there are no conditions...Amber's love is a gift, not a trade-off. Unfortunately, most girls either can't comprehend that, or are very suspicious. If Amber gets in a relationship, he will do anything and everything possible to make the girl feel loved, and take care of her. However, the four other jackasses up in this brain have thus far made it IMPOSSIBLE for any girl to take me seriously as a potential boyfriend, so excepting a couple dubious rendesvous(es) from the past, I have stayed a single man for my entire life. Way to go, multiple personalities, way to go.

So that's my lives in a nutshell. I hope you enjoyed it.

What's Wrong With Me (part 1)

2008-11-26T22:08:00.000-06:00

Welcome back to the blog.

Anyway, there's a couple topics that I wanted to write about, and I did start one blog about my academic situation, but I quickly realized that anyone who I haven't had serious, soul-baring conversations with (so, in other words, ANYONE) can't really understand where I'm coming from. Because the place that I'm coming from is a place called mild insanity. A specific form of mild insanity called "multiple personality disorder."

I don't have multiple personality disorder in the traditional sense. I don't have a one-personality-at-a-time limit. Instead, I have five separate people co-habiting my body all at the same time, four of whom I've known about for a while, one who just recently became his own guy. Depending on the situation, they're there in different concentrations, but they're always there at least in part, trying to steer me toward certain decisions. Would you like to meet them? Too bad, you're going to anyway.

Bachelor No. 1: Nate.

Nate is a quiet, bookish nerd...the classic antisocial butterfly. He enjoys writing, reading, drawing, music, film, puzzles and games, and really really REALLY hates everything else. Nate is no good in social situations, gets really uncomfortable, even around people he knows, and has basically no control over his bodily movements, leading him away from sports and parties, and toward any situation where he can be sitting alone. While this may seem like a snooze-fest, Nate's brain is anything but boring. His mind is constantly racing, full of previously acquired information, offbeat ideas, novel concepts, and snippets of dialogue. Nate really wants to go into creative writing at the university, because it's something he's actually really good at. His main problem is writer's block, which wouldn't be such a problem, but it's the other four dudes doing the blocking, so this happens quite a bit. You'd never know it from talking to him, but Nate's a friggin' genius. He's writing most of this blog, for instance. And he's the one that figured out that there are five of us rattling around in here.

2: Nathan

Nathan is a charismatic, confident, people person...who can occasionally be a bit of an a-hole. He loves to be the center of attention. Nathan steals all the jokes Nate has spent hours writing...and whenever words leave Nathan's mouth, they turn to gold. He can talk himself out of any situation, he can tell a story like you wouldn't believe, and he'd be able to wrap any chick around his little finger with words alone if the other four guys could stop distracting him, which they never will. Nathan is alarmingly direct. He never lies...NEVER...he wants to gain your unflinching trust, because someday he might have to tell a lie, and when that day comes he wants you to buy it wholeheartedly. Nathan would make an excellent politician, but that doesn't interest him. Instead, Nathan could see himself being a lawyer, but his real passion is the theatre. He excels at being in the spotlight, and acting is the best way to do that. He'd be willing to go back to school
for drama, then pursue it on the East or West coast. The problem with that plan is that Libby totally wrecked his body, Nate fills him with self-doubt, Nathaniel worries about the ethics of an acting career, and Amber is always in love with someone in town. More about the other three personalities soon---this is getting to be kind of a long post.

Plus, Nate knows cliffhangers can be a benefit, and Nathan loves the dramaticness of it all.

Brain Milkshakes Part 2

2008-09-10T22:28:00.002-05:00

I've decided that compiling a coherent blog centered upon a single topic is just too taxing for me. So...another list of things I happen to be thinking about. Join me, won't you, in another tasty smoothie of my cerebral matter.

-TV ON DVD. I consider television to be something of a drug, and while I snorted my fair share of TV as a child, it's the concentrated, commercial-free, crack cocaine of TV (Full-season DVD sets) that I am truly addicted to. I'm balls deep in Smallville Season 7 right now; it's a show that I literally had not thought about since I finished Season 6 roughly a year ago. And though it's not as well-made or well-acted as, oh say, LOST or Heroes, I am simply enamored by this show that's essentially a soap opera with superpowers (let's call it a supe opera.) I just love the format, which is NOT something I can say for my next topic.

-TV ON TV. I just watched the season premiere of Bones on FOX, and let me tell you: Crap city. Partly because my cable doesn't have Fox HD, so I'm watching a crappy product, partly because I'm spoiled by the first three seasons of Bones, which I watched on my iPod or DVD absolutely commercial free, and I can't stand commercials anymore, partly because the episode actually dealt with a large deal of feces, but mostly (SPOILER ALERT for Bones fans who haven't seen season 3 yet) because one of my favorite characters on the show, Dr. Zack Addy, turned out to be the villain at the end of last season. I'm assuming he'll come back in a limited capacity, but for now the team just feels...incomplete. It was still a good episode; it was plenty funny, Sweets was still delightfully awkward, Booth was charming as ever...but a Zack-shaped hole is visible in the show's fabric. Oh well.

-MOVIES ON STAGE. Auditions for Disney's Beauty and the Beast are next week starting Monday. I haven't been really freaked out about auditions at ECCT before, but this one scares me. Mostly because I have NO desire to be in the chorus for this particular show (it's a grueling task involving heavy dancing and awkward costumes) but I have even LESS desire to sit out a show and wait four months until the next one. Plus, the last time they did Beauty was like two years ago, so the majority of the actors who were in it then are still around now, and most of them are willing to do it again. The cocky bastard in me thinks I could score a decent part, but that's a pretty small (albeit very loud) piece of the whole Libby puzzle.

-MUSIC ON CD. Last year there were no Libby's Christmas Albums. (For those of you who don't know, Libby's Christmas Album was a tradition involving three or four mix cd's I made each year from music I discovered that year, which I handed out as christmas gifts instead of a real present. Kind of like a even cheaper version of a fruitcake.) I've got two years worth of new music to fall back on, so theoretically they'd be better than ever. But would people even miss it if I didn't make them this year? Do people even listen to CDs in this age of the Pod? And would they even take the time to listen to them if I did give them out this year? Have they even listened to the ones I gave them? I guess the real question is, should I bother?

That's enough for tonight. I hope those savory synapses slaked your thirst for knowledge.

Brain Milkshakes...

2008-08-29T22:35:00.003-05:00

So, it's been far too long since the last blog, and even though I don't have anything I necessarily need to say tonight, new content needs to happen, so...I'm just gonna take the contents of my brain, put 'em in a blender, hit frappe, and pour the resulting smoothie all over the place. Hope you enjoy.

-MONSTERS. This last week's Casting Of The Pod (check it out on iTunes) piqued my interest on the topic of monsters, specifically the "Montauk Monster." If you want to see something severely effed up, do a Google image search....blech.

-ROCK BAND. I have an unhealthy reliance on rhythm-based music video games. I've all but mastered guitar on Rock Band, and have been turning my attention toward the drums. Suffice it to say that if I took the time I spend on pretending to play music, and used that time to ACTUALLY LEARN TO PLAY A REAL INSTRUMENT, I'd be a world-famous musician of Hendrixian proportions. Oh well...

-SUMMER MOVIES. As of last week, I've seen a total of EIGHT films in theaters this summer. I'm pretty sure that's TWICE the amount of movies I've seen in the last two years put together. The real surprise is that I haven't been disappointed by a single one. The list, you say? All right.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Iron Man, Indiana Jones, Incredible Hulk, Wanted, Hellboy 2, Dark Knight, Pineapple Express...plus I really want to see Tropic Thunder before the summer's over. That's a ridiculous amount of movies, all of them ranging from good to awesome. Well done, Hollywood. You have almost renewed my faith in the corporate machine...

-CRAPPY AUGUST MOVIES. ...there's another side to the corporate machine, an UGLY side. There's a list there, too...House Bunny, Death Race, Mummy 3, Babylon A.D., College, and the worst transgressor of all, Disaster Movie...shudder... all these crappy movies have debuted in the last month. Other movies I could have put on this list (Traveling Pants, Mamma Mia) I can understand...they've got a target audience, and I'm okay with the fact that I'm not it. Just because it's not my cup of tea doesn't mean it sucks. But the movies on the list...aw man, there's no hell hot enough for them. This is why my faith in the corporate machine can never be truly saved.

-MENSTRUATION. Is it just me, or is it every woman in Eau Claire's period this week? Just a casual observation, but at the rate tampons and whatnot are being sold at the 'Greens this week, it seems like the whole dang town is on the rag. Then again, maybe we just have some good sales on feminine hygiene products this week.

And with that totally random thought, I end this completely pointless blog entry.

Love,
Nathan A. Libby.

Entertainment Junkie: Brand New

2008-07-21T08:20:00.004-05:00

(Back when I thought this blog was gonna really take off, I instituted a feature called Entertainment Junkie, where I would talk about my favorite movies, books, tv shows, and music. I only wrote one so far, but now I'm trying to amend for my past lack of deeds. Aaaaaand...we're back in)

The band Brand New, like several of my most favoritest things, took a while for me to even like, let alone love. Let me set the stage here for the rocky first steps of my relationship with the band.

The year was 2003. I was on the prowl for some kickin' tunes (what we called music way back in Aught Three) to put on my third annual set of compilation CDs. Entitled Libby's Christmas Album, it was my genius way to get out of buying my closest friends real Christmas presents, but that's a topic for another blog. Anyway, I asked my friend Josh Stifter if he had any music to recommend to me. The band he brought up as his "favorite" at the time was Brand New. Now, if there's anything young Josh knew, it was music, so I figured it was a pretty solid choice. I headed to Best Buy and picked up their sophomore album, Deja Entendu. I listened to it once, INSTANTLY hated it, and put it on the "losers" side of the shelf with my Loudermilk album and my Weird Al CDs.

Why did I hate it? It was slow! It was depressing! It was weird! Most of all, it had no, that's ZERO, catchy songs I could easily put on my Christmas Album. (Ironically enough, three years later I put not one but TWO songs from that album on the 2006 Christmas Albums.) According to the Libby who was used to his Offsprings, his Sum 41s, his Goldfingers and Riddlin' Kidses....Brand New SUCKED!

Anyway, there it sat, next to such genius tracks as "EstrogenOxygenAchesInTheTeethAgain" for at least six months, without as much as a second listen.

Flash Forward to the spring of '04. Whichever girl I was chasing at the time had just rejected me, which is pretty much standard procedure in LibbyLand. I needed to sit down in my over-large office chair, pop in a classic feel-bad album, and do some quick wallowing before I purged the crappiness from my system. My usual feel-bad albums (Sister Hazel's "Fortress?" GREAT feel-bad album) were getting old. I needed something new. I remembered that I had some slow, depressing, weird music somewhere, and that seemed like just the ticket. So I pushed aside the Loudermilk album, turned Weird Al's judgmental eyes away, and blew the dust off of Deja Entendu. I gave it a listen.

It was like a dirty tarp had been lifted from my eyes. Everything I had hated about it turned
into my favorite things about it. Before it was too slow, now it was haunting. Before it was depressing, now it was heartfelt. Before it was weird, now it was inventive and original. Everything about the album, from the master craftsmanship of the lyrics, to the sheer talent of the guitar parts, made me just love the experience. Especially the lyrics, as well as the urgency of the vocals, struck a huge chord with me. I was a fan for life.

And this is all before the release of "The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me," the album I consider to be the most well-crafted musical undertaking in the last ten years. That album is so phenomenal, I can't even begin to describe it. You need to listen to it if you have not already.

In their three albums, Brand New has evolved their sound to the point of near-perfection. I can't wait to see what they come up with next. And that's all I have to say about that.

Of Things Spiritual

2008-07-16T22:18:00.002-05:00

A conversation I had with my roommate yesterday has been dwelling on my mind, and I figured I'd blog it out. This one's probably not going to be that funny, but just bear with me.

We started talking about how "unspiritual" I am, how unenthusiastic I can be about the affairs of my church. The fact of the matter is, although I have a decent singing voice I choose not to be a part of the adult choir. Although I am an adult of sound mind and body, I am not a church voter. Although I am a young man, I am not in the church youth group. And on top of all that, I am forced by my work schedule to miss church a great deal of the time, averaging once or twice a month. Basically, I am a below average member of my church.

Why is that? Why do I choose not to take part in affairs of the church? I've got the Holy Spirit, same as the rest of the Holy Christian Church on earth. My faith has a firm foundation built upon the work Christ did on the cross to save me from damnation. That faith cannot be taken from me. I enjoy a rich prayer life, taking advantage multiple times daily of the gift of communication with my Lord. Why, then, do I not share my talents with church functions?

The fact of the matter is, I don't know. I do have a good idea, involving my laziness, but there's gotta be something else to it. I don't feel like I'm pulling my weight, doing all that I can on earth out of the love God put in my heart. But there's something keeping me from changing that. My sinful inner man feels that love for God isn't enough to take time away from my selfish lifestyle, and it's making the rest of me deeply ashamed. I pray that in time God grants me the strength to aid in the stewardship of His church.

As if this blog isn't rambling enough, it opens up other spiritual issues I have. My aimlessness in life, the total ignorance I have of God's divine Plan for me. My loneliness in life, the desire to be loved by a Christian woman NOT related to me. My impatience with others, the paradox that although I have a burning love for Christ I can't stand most of His people. I've been dwelling for a long time on my gross shortcomings as a child of God. How wonderful it is that a truly terrible, filthy being such as myself would be loved by God so much that He made His Son die to make me clean in His eyes. Praise the Lord!

How May I Help You

2008-06-25T22:19:00.002-05:00

Welcome to Walgreens, my name is Nathan. Here's a list of helpful tips to make your shopping experience a fulfilling and life-changing one.

1. If I ask you how you're doing, it's purely to be polite. I really couldn't care less how you're actually doing, and if you actually tell me about your crappy day, I'm going to cut you off at the earliest possible opportunity.

2. If I see you've parked in the handicapped lane without a permit, and you're not an octogenarian, I'm GOING to report you for two reasons. A: You're a jerk. B: I've always wanted to call the cops on someone.

3. If you pay with a check and you're under the age of seventy, you have no excuse. It's called a check card, people. They've only been around for as long as you've been alive. Jump on the friggin' bandwagon. The average check card transaction is approximately forty five seconds faster than a check transaction, according to stats I just made up.

3a. If you DO pay with a check, I retain the right to loathe you intensely until you exit the second set of doors. Unless you're a hot chick, under which condition I retain the right to ogle you until you exit my line of sight.

4. If you come up to the counter talking on a cell phone, my standard procedure is to not move a muscle for 30 seconds, or until you hang up the phone, whichever comes first. If you look annoyed at me, my response will ALWAYS be "Sorry, I thought you were on the phone."

5. Contrary to popular belief, I do not pore over our weekly ad for hours memorizing the sale prices. Lazy men and women of America, do not come up to the counter and ask me if there are coupons for any of the items you've selected. If you do, chances are I'll say that there aren't any, even if I notice some that are.

6. I've been known to lay magnetic anti-theft stickers on the floor sticky side up. I get bored, and it's fun watching your bewildered face as you constantly beep through our doors.

7. The slowness of my completion of your photo order is directionally proportional to how "in a hurry" you are. If you have a big scrapbooking party to go to, don't wait until fifteen minutes before to get your photos processed. Just one of life's hard facts.

8. We usually run out of the best sale items after a few days. It happens. And it's not because our manager sucks at ordering product, and it's not because there's a conspiracy to gyp you out of your 99 cent toilet paper. It's because for the last six days, vultures like you have been grabbing as much as their grubby little hands can carry. Take the raincheck, and a chill pill.

9. Under no circumstances do I want to talk about the weather, or gas prices, or road construction. The things I want to say to you are, in order: "Hi there," "Your total is ____" "_____ is your change," and "Have a nice day/night." They don't pay me enough to give you a talkjob.

10. If you ask me specific questions about certain products, most of the time my answer is going to be 95% grade-A bullcrap, the other 5% consisting of the product name, the price, and the name of the store we are in. No, I have not tried the entire selection of moisturizers, etc. If it's a medication question, notice the fact that I am not currently IN the pharmacy. You might want to go over to the nice man in the white coat surrounded by prescription drugs. Just a guess.

That's just a sampling of the rainbow of information I'm good for here at walgreens. Remember, I'm here to help.

News You Can Use (P.S. I'm a big fat liar)

2008-06-10T00:30:00.002-05:00

So, you know how I said I was gonna blog once a day? Yep, it didn't even take me a day before that fell through. But here it is, the first of a series of sporadically updated blogs.

Here's the straight poop on my involvement with Flush Studios.

CouchCapades episode 2 is up on funnyordie.com right now, and hopefully should be up on flushstudios.com within the next couple days. Please watch it, please vote, please comment...these are the things that get me moving on toward the next episode.

The Flush Studios podcast (creatively titled "The Casting of the Pod,") usually hosted by Josh Stifter and Dan Degnan, will be guest-hosted by me for the next 3 weeks. Episode 10, with me and Josh, is up on the site now. Episode 11, going up next week, features me plus Josh and Dan, as well as a few mystery guests, and episode 12, hopefully two weeks from now, will feature what I call the Flush Studios Triumvirate, (me, Josh and Dan) Give episode 10 a listen, then subscribe to the podcast and listen to all the back issues. They're pretty hilarious, and offer a unique perspective on the flushing behind the scenes. WARNING----these podcasts are NSFM (not safe for Mom) due to crudity, vulgarity, and profanity.

More news on some super secret upcoming projects coming soon...

as for now, what are you still doing reading this blog? Go to flushstudios.com or funnyordie.com and show the Libbyman you mean business.

Flushing Meadows

2008-05-28T23:41:00.003-05:00

Here's the deal:

I plan on blogging once a day for the next couple weeks to get this blog back a-rollin, so I have to pace myself lest I run out of material, but the big deal in my life now is Flush Studios.

Flushstudios.com is a website owned and operated by my friends Josh Stifter and Dan Degnan. It's still in its beginning stages, but eventually it's going to be a hotbed of comics, videos, cartoons, and articles all created by a core of comedy savants (read: Retards,) of which I am a part.

Right now, there is one video that I made on there, the pilot episode of CouchCapades. More on that later, all you need to do right now is visit flushstudios.com and check out CouchCapades, as well as Josh and Dan's first video, Pimptown, and all the other goodies the site has to offer.

Bringin' the Blog Back in a Big Way

2008-05-26T23:59:00.002-05:00

Hey there, people. Just a quick one tonight, but I 'd like to formally announce my re-commitment to this blog.

Tune in tomorrow for some insights about another little website I'm a part of, but until then...THE BLOG'S BACK! Yahoo!

What a Rare Mood I'm In...

2008-02-26T23:43:00.008-06:00

First of all, I have to apologize to all the people that have been eagerly awaiting my next blog (Sorry Mom...)
There are many reasons I haven't blogged all over the place in a couple weeks, such as slight writers block, my internet going all wonky, having 12 shifts in the last two weeks, and just overall laziness, but the main reason I'm gonna go with is a little Eau Claire Children's Theatre performance I'm involved with called "BRIGADOON." For those of you that have not seen or heard of it (I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that's everybody) I guess it's a classic play, basically revolving around one man's love for a two-hundred-year-old woman. It's a little more complicated than that, but you get the idea.

Here's the situation with me and this play. First of all, I'm an extra. No lines, no solos, I'm not even in any of the dances. If you know my track record in theatre, you know I'm not exactly used to that. It's hard for me to show up to practice knowing that I'm not going to have a legitimate chance to make a giant ass of myself (not that this prevents me from doing so, it just moves it more behind-the-scenes.) The play is also really long and kinda boring (it's made by the same people that did My Fair Lady, so this isn't that surprising.) Plus, we've been practicing this show since the middle of December (we did take two weeks off for the holidays, but still...that's almost three months, a long time by ECCT standards.) So, I've pretty much hated this show from day one, and my hatred has incrementally grown with each passing day.

But now that we've moved from the ECCT building to the theatre for practices, the weirdest thing has happened. I still hate practices, but I actually like the show itself.

For starters, there's the talent involved. With few exceptions, the leads are my friends; from the new (Kevin Sieg, the most hilariously awkward dude in the world, for instance) to the very very old (my dear friend Greg Kernkamp.) I love these people to death. And songs I once thought boring, complete with the kind of lyrics you find in fifty cent greeting cards, come alive in the mouths of our main characters (especially the romantic lead, Tom Anderson. I love that man like one dude should not love another dude.) The costumes and sets are fun (kilts are surprisingly comfortable, by the way,) and as much as I hate the sound of bagpipes, having a live bagpiper on stage is kinda cool. The dances are complex and awe-inspiring (viewed from the proper distance) and a few of the lines are genuinely funny.

If I had written this blog a week ago, I would have advised you to stay away from this play with all your might. But now I'm not so sure. Don't go because of me, though (unless you really want to see me in a kilt.) I'm not downplaying my role when I say I do nothing. If you've got a night free later this week, however, there are bigger wastes of your time than seeing Brigadoon.

For those of you that might go, it's Feb. 28-March 1 at 7:30, March 2 at 1:30. State Theatre, Eau Claire.

Who Killed The Music?

2008-02-06T23:43:00.000-06:00

The tale I have to serve up today is one of regret, senseless crime, and the human condition.

About four months ago, my iPod was stolen.

While I was performing Aladdin, somebody went into my dressing room (and I had my own dressing room,) into my BACKPACK, and made off with my iPod. If you know much about me, you know how big an audiophile I am, and pretty much the ONLY way I listen to music these days is via Pod. So, to recap, while I was spending every iota of free time at the State Theatre being painted blue and hoisted by my privates for the entertainment of thousands of Chippewa Valley theatre-goers, somebody stole my most prized possession. How's that for gratitude?

So anyway, I've been deprived of my music for far too long, and being too poor to just go and pick up another Pod, there's nothing I can do about it. I've been jogging back from work lately, and doing that with no music to distract me from the exercise makes it three times as hard for me. Yes, times are tough for this suburban cowboy...

Enter silver lining: Tax return.

I'm getting a boatload of cash back from Uncle Sam, and hopefully soon I will have something to fill that rectangular hole in my heart. Until then, I'm filling my new computer's iTunes with all the songs from CDs I own, CDs my friends own, and straight up Internet theft, so that when I do get an iPod again it'll be just like old times.

Sidenote: I'm listening to The Academy Is right now. I forgot how much of a home run "Almost Here" is. If you've never been, get your hands on this album. It'll change your life.

My Legacy in 8mm

2008-02-05T00:30:00.000-06:00

Lately, I've been looking through my old camcorder tapes- footage from Tour Choirs past, ILC plays and musicals, and movie footage from the ILC Witch Project, as well as stuff I made with the brothers Kelly. Not only has it made me wax nostalgic for the carefree times of my youth, but I am also reminded of a shocking fact: Even though I own dozens of 8mm tapes full of content, even though I have written two full-length screenplays, even though I've wanted to make a movie since I was a little kid, I have NEVER shot anything close to a full-blown film. The closest I've come is the ILC Witch Project, and that wasn't even my movie, I just co-wrote, co-filmed, co-edited, and co-starred in it.

This cannot stand.

Starting tomorrow (boy, how many projects in my life begin with those two words) I'm getting it all worked out. Either I'll flesh out one of my screenplays, or adapt and finish my half-written stage play, or I'll build off of one of my billion ideas for movies. It's gonna happen. It's GOTTA happen. Questions remain, however: How long will I allow myself for the scriptwriting process? Should I get a new camera, use my old crappy one, or rent a professional-grade one? Plus, a bunch of little piddly questions not worth mentioning here. At any rate, stay tuned, gentle readers: When the time comes, I'm gonna need actors. And there is no experience quite like making a movie with friends.

Entertainment Junkie : LOST

2008-01-30T22:58:00.000-06:00

(I'm hoping that this will be a regular feature on the site. The plan is for each post to focus on a favorite album, movie, TV show, or video game of mine. Since Lost is returning from the dead tomorrow, I think it's appropriate to kick it off with that.)

Lost is one of those shows that I saw previews for and SWORE I would never watch under any circumstances. I mean, think about it: A TV show starring that Hobbit guy and a bunch of other people I'd never heard of before, about a bunch of people being lost on a deserted island (in the era of Google Earth and GPS tracking, no less.) The whole premise is ridiculous, like Gilligan's Island without the laugh track. I predicted it would last a couple weeks, no more.

And when I was proven horribly wrong, and the show lasted the whole season, and half my friends were addicted to this ludicrous program, my resolve hardened. I vowed to stay away from it on principle alone. And when it came out on DVD, and was constantly playing in the dorm I was living in, the boycott almost became a game. How could I avoid watching Lost? Not only was it ridiculous, but it seemed to be impossible to watch it without becoming addicted. Having been already hooked on Smallville, Scrubs, Arrested Development, and just recently The Office, I didn't need another TV show to watch each week. And, for a time, my fight was successful.

Then came Tour Choir 2006.

Someone (to the best of my knowledge, a certain hobbit-loving young lady who shall remain nameless) convinced our professor to play the series premiere on the tour bus TV screens. Try as I might, I couldn't avoid it (it was playing on six screens all around me, for crying in the mud.)

And just like that, I was hooked.

Without even realizing it, I was deeply invested in not just the plot, but the characters I was getting to know. I suddenly was interested in their backstories. Why did they let a super-pregnant chick on the plane? What's that Kate chick's story? What flew up that doctor guy's butt? Who's that Popeye-lookin' mamajama? Is it just me, or is the black guy a big douchebag? (Turns out, I was right on that one.) Yes, I was head-over-heels for this show. And when I came back from tour, I shotgunned the season one DVDs in the course of a weekend, and I haven't missed an episode on TV since.

Lost is probably the most frustrating thing I have ever loved with all my heart (excepting, of course, the various women I have fallen for in the past.) I know so much about this show, but not enough to know what the crap's going on. I'm so pissed off by it that I have to watch the next episode. For this reason, as well as more boring reasons such as the superb writing, acting, and cinematography, Lost will always be one of my favorite shows.

Seriously, Wisconsin? Is this how it's gonna be?

2008-01-30T11:16:00.001-06:00

Two days ago, I walked to play practice. I did so wearing no protection against the elements other than jeans and a hoodie. All the snow was melted off the sidewalks, and I'm pretty sure it actually rained. Not freezing rain, not sleet, just good old-fashioned rain rain.
Yesterday, it was the closest thing we've had to a blizzard all year. Snow was dumped on us, on top of the "puddles" from the day before, now frozen solid. Wind was ridiculously strong. What. The. Freak.

Only in Wisconsin can it go from Dagobah to Hoth in the span of a day. Seriously, I think it was almost 50 degrees on Monday, and yesterday it got down to -5 degrees BEFORE windchill. For those of you playing at home, the temp dropped FIFTY-FIVE degrees in less than 24 hours.

I guess my point is this: If you don't live in wisconsin, DON'T MOVE HERE, at least not in July or January. If you DO live in wisconsin, then you already know, and I'm sorry for you. If you ARE wisconsin, then MAKE UP YOUR FRIGGIN' MIND already. Seriously, yesterday's blizzard was made even more miserable to me by the previous day's rainy goodness. I haven't gone outside yet today, but it's supposed to be even colder than yesterday. I would try and whistle through it, but my lips might get frozen together.

Inspiration, Libby Style (aka plagiarism)

2008-01-26T21:32:00.000-06:00

So, I've been leafing through the bloggy wilderness of my good friend Danielle, and one of those "why-can't-I" moments dropped into my lap. I've been bloggily (blogically?) deprived since all my friends and relatives dropped out of the MySpace mafia, so here it is: My new stomping grounds for random thoughts and crappy opinions. As for the title of my new blogness, it really doesn't have a good reason to exist other than "Full-Body Beard" would be an awesome band name. See you all real soon.